Poulson's Potato Patch: INTIMACY

I am a convert to the church, and we were always very open with our conversations about sexual matters in my family. Plus, I was studying to be a nurse, so the physical responses of the body did not shock or intimidate me. So, in raising my family, I felt like we were very open about discussing intimacy when ever anyone wanted to talk about it. Imagine my surprise when my daughter told me that she thought you got pregnant by sitting on a toilet seat!! (she was in college at that time!) To this day, I am still not sure if she was pulling my leg or not! Maybe we didn't communicate as well as I thought?

REALLY??????????????????

But I think intimacy is not only important to a marriage, but fascinating to study. These lessons this past week have taught me so much, things that I needed to learn or relearn! If not viewed correctly, intimacy can be looked upon as either dirty, disgusting or carnal and worldly. I remember driving home from our marriage in the Idaho Falls Temple and wondering how one little piece of paper gave you permission to do things you have had to say "No!" to for your whole life. Sometimes it is hard to relinquish those feelings in our lives.

I loved how Sean E. Brotherson made this statement in his quest to understand intimacy; "I had been reading a book on intimacy in marriage, and I'd asked what that experience was really supposed to be like. My mother laughed and said that sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was comforting, sometimes it was romantic, sometimes it was spiritual, and sometimes it was just a willingness to love. I still think that's about the best answer I've ever heard on that question." (Brotherson) I concur!!!

Brent Barlow has always been one of my favorite authorities on marriage. His story about the missionaries made me smile but it is the truth! “And what is the Mormon attitude towards sexuality?” I choked on my cup of hot chocolate, but my new companion seemed unmoved. “Well,” said the minister after a moment of silence, “could you please tell me the Mormon philosophy toward sexuality?” I was tongue-tied and believed my new companion knew next to nothing on the matter. However, when my companion realized that I didn’t have an answer, he finally said, “Sir, we believe in it.” Yes, we do. It is a gift from Heavenly Father, not only for procreation but for welding a union between a husband and wife.

Several years ago, my husband was giving a lesson on Intimacy, and I made the comment, "Make not a beggar of thy mate." A lady reminded me I had said that a couple of months ago. This is not only applicable to intimacy, but also to the needs and wants we have as wives, too. Husband's shouldn't have to beg for intimacy, be we shouldn't have to beg for attention, time to talk, understanding, etc. I think men and women's needs are different and each spouse should be willing to try to fulfill those needs in their companions. That said, I also believe that women need intimacy as much as men, it just is not so identifiable in us. I find that when things seem off in my marriage, it is sometimes because we haven't been physical in awhile. I remember asking my Dr. how often we should be making love as a newly married couple with a brand new baby... He said, "Oh, once or twice..." And I said, "A month?" and he said, "No, a week!" Wow-that was a real eye opener to me, but it has given me a guideline in understanding how important that physical aspect is to a marriage and to a (my) spouse. Brent Barlow said that he was asked by young wife why men had such a stronger sex drive than women. Brother Barlow said he did not necessarily believe that was true. I think if either partner with holds intimacy from one another it can cause a fissure in your marriage. It was said in one article that people don't have an affair because of the sex, they have an affair because they go looking for the closeness they can't find with their spouse, and that leads to an affair.

"A fundamental building block of most stable family relationships, and an explicit promise of marriage, is that of sexual exclusiveness and fidelity. When the assumption or promise of fidelity is breached, the subsequent loss of trust between individuals is highly damaging, and frequently terminal for the relationship. Whilst attitudes to sexual behavior outside stable family life have changed, the fundamentals of stability within families have by-and large not, resulting in tensions and increased pressures." (State of Our Union)

I am so grateful that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has such a healthy attitude towards intimacy. "It is the glue that holds a marriage together". It is a need for both the man and the woman. It is our goal in this life to learn to come together as a couple. To learn each others likes and dislikes. To assess what the boundaries are in intimacy that the Lord has set. It is also to learn to love and serve our spouse more than we do ourselves. I cannot imagine being involved with more than one partner as it has taken us 38 years to learn about each other. It is such a comfort and peace for us to know that we have never been with anyone else. Heavenly Father knew this was the best plan for our happiness.