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When I first got married, I thought I would marry into this LDS family that just loved being together, unlike my crazy non-member family! Much to my surprise, families all have issues-no matter what religion they are!
I went into marriage thinking "I don't want my mother-in-law on my doorstep everyday telling me what to do..." Well, she wasn't. In fact, she hardly ever called or came over, which made me mad, too!
(Darned if you do, and darned if you don't!!)
Even though I have been frustrated with my mother-in-law at times, she really has been an amazing person. In 39 years of marriage, I have never seen her mad! Never-Ever! I mean, she gets riled up when someone hurts someone in her family, but as far as being in her home, I have never seen her ticked off! I wish my kids could say that! My friend told me that she was watching a video about President Nelson, and someone who had know him over 50 years said that they had NEVER seen him mad about anything! (I wish I could say I have not been mad in the last 50 minutes!! J/K)
My mother-in-law is just like that, as is my father-in-law. They are both just kind and loving people. I will say that I have probably had the most feelings about my mother-in-law because she was never willing to help me with my kids. She did her daughters, but not me. She apologized to me once a couple of years ago, for not being there for me when I needed her, but I told her, "I was fine. I had great friends who became my family and helped me." Family is not always blood.
"'If you are in an estranged relationship as a child-in-law or a parent-in-law, forgiveness may be necessary before you can do some of the things mentioned in the chapter. Forgiveness means that you let go of consuming feelings of animosity, bitterness and hatred.' Improved relationships will require time, effort, patience, and a willingness to communicate about issues and past offenses with love and concern. Some things may not be resolved in this life. Trusting in Christ and His timetable will help each prepare to do all they can to mend troubled relationships." (Harper, 333)
My father passed away when I was 15, so my father-in-law has become my dad here on earth. We really related to each other. He told me once, "You and I are like finely tuned race horses, we are high strung and raring to go." I'm not sure if that was a compliment or not. Anyway, I have lucked out when it came to my in-laws.
One of the young married girls in our ward said to me: "We all took a survey and voted that if we could choose, you would be the person we would want for our mother-in-law!"
Now that I am an "In-law", I have learned first hand how challenging it can be. I think that there are certain emotions and feelings that are directed towards in-laws from spouses that marry into your family. Whether they are real or imagined, they are there. Maybe a son-in-law doesn't feel like he has supported your daughter as well as what she grew up with, and he feels criticized about it. (imagined) Maybe a daughter-in-law thinks you are overstepping your bounds when you help by unloading the dishwasher. (imagined) Maybe your own children are hyper-sensitive to issues to which you are not aware. (real) Some days, you are just going to be the "out-law" in your family!
One thing that I have learned, is that there are always going to be feelings. We had an experience with one of our children and I was so upset about it. My husband said, "Get used to it! Once we get this resolved, something else will happen!" I think this is were I really admire my in-laws. They never got involved in our marriage. They never overstepped their bounds. They never reacted if someone was mad at them, they just kept loving them. Even when their daughter's husband left her, they still reached out to him in love and support. They love and live the gospel.
That is what I want to learn from them. They have been good to me and I have appreciated what they had done. They have raised a wonderful son and he has many of their amazing qualities.
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